Culinary Tips for the Holidays

I've been thinking a lot about this blog, and I've decided to make some major changes. Humor has always been my major focus, but what does humor really accomplish? Sure - you get a few good laughs - but nobody is any better off when it's all over. People are wasting their time reading this garbage while they could be learning something from it. I have decided that from this point forward, my blog will be a useful informational resource, where people can come to better their lives through learning, so that I can do my part to make the world a better place. With the holidays right around the corner, I thought it would be good to start by offering a few interesting culinary tidbits:

Ham is made by feeding a pig salt until it dies, then chopping off its leg and rolling it in salt, although some hams are 'wet-cured' (injected with salt water) instead. Best when served lightly salted. With a side of salt.

Most wines can be categorized as being either 'sweet' or 'dry'. Sweet wines are categorized as such because they have a pleasant, sweet flavor often reminiscent of fruit. Dry wines are called 'dry' since most people would rather pass out from dehydration than drink them because they taste god-awful. Dry wines are made from sour grapes and ammonia, with varying amounts of dirty motor oil and embalming fluid to give each its own distinctive character. If you'd like to learn more about wine, I'm sure the Olive Garden would be glad to help you. They have a whole menu full of wines so you can drink until you're ready to vomit, which might be a good idea given the reputation their food has:


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