Full Metal Jackass

It is a well known fact that the overwhelming majority of guns used in violent crimes are handguns. So I've come up with a brilliant idea: let's try to decrease gun violence by creating a piece of legislation that places a ban on the manufacture of certain rifles. Furthermore, instead of banning based on ease of concealment, caliber, or bullet muzzle velocity, lets ban them based on totally arbitrary aesthetic characteristics like whether they have pistol grips or bayonet mounts because - you know - drive-by bayonetings have been a serious problem on our city streets.

Photo: New York city street thugs utilize the bayonets on their assault rifles.

I know, I know... it sounds a bit like the ban that was passed in 1994 which expired and wasn't renewed by congress because it had proven to be totally ineffective. And admittedly I've never fired a gun in my life and don't know a damn thing about them. But I watched "Rambo" last night with some of my neo-con friends and I've since decided that I'm informed enough to have an opinion on which guns should be banned and which ones should remain legal. It's just coincidence that I chose to classify them based entirely on what they look like.